My Story
I will start off with my story. Yes, I am a rape victim. One of the two percent of the population that does not know who my rapist is. I was quite young when it happened to me - and made incredibly stupid mistakes.
Fear at the time, got the better of me. I did not report my incident, and suffered severe consequences. Its been over 10 years now, and the scar has not totally dissolved. By today, I can truthfully say, it was not my fault and I reacted incorrectly.
Today, I do share my stories with dear friends who have suffered similar situations, or even not similar situations. It is very important for parents to look for tell tale signs in their children and important for victims to know that help is out there and should be entertained. Many people keep their mouths shut (like I did) for fear of what others will think or fear of what their attacker may do. If we do not rise against this evil, it will never go away. If I could go back in time, I would change how I reacted, and I would face the situation with more vigour. If you are a victim, I encourage you to do the same.
posted by Nadia at 6:02 PM
3 Comments:
Dear Nadia,
I personally admire the courage you have in bringing awareness about sexual assaults. Fear plays a large role in many cases. I am glad you mention the importance of parents knowing the signs of being assaulted. Nadia, thank you for stopping by the blog, I would like to link your site. God Bless you for the courage to speak out. Thank you for sharing your experience with other survivors! Chat soon Nadia, please email when you can.
Glad to year you're in self-defense classes, and IMPACT-style self defense has been catered to kids now, too! Listen to this success story about a kid who used his training to truly internalize the message that he's better off telling someone about an assault than fearing what the assaulter could do to him:
" When I heard about the kids' BAT and STAR classes last June, I was very excited. As a devoted and enthusiastic fan of the women's program, I didn't hesitate for a second and signed up my two younger children. Since they had been present at my own graduation from the 20-hour Basics course, they couldn't wait! They (and all the other participants) enjoyed it immensely and had a very positive experience showing off their new skills to their amazed and delighted parents. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that my eleven-year-old son would really need to use his training, especially within the month.
He had finally decided that he was ready to spend the summer with his teenage brother at sleep away camp. He had visited the camp many times with us and we knew most of the staff, so we were perfectly comfortable that our younger boy would be well taken care of.
I still cringe at the memory of the terrible phone call my husband and I received several weeks later. It was Dr. T., the camp's owner/director saying, "I need to tell you that Chip has accused one of his counselors of molesting him." He told me, "Mike (age 21) waited until the other campers were asleep, then took off Chip's pants and fondled him. It's Mike's day off, and I won't be able to talk to him until he returns. I'll call you back as soon as I can." We waited nervously, all the while trying to convince ourselves that it couldn't be true. It had to be some sort of childish prank. We were certain that Chip didn't realize how much trouble he'd make for Mike by saying such a thing. (DENIAL!) We were shocked when Dr. T. called back. "Mike confessed. To comply with state law, I had to call the police. They have arrested Mike and I need to take Chip to the Police Barracks for questioning."
We rushed to meet them there and learned some astonishing facts from the police commissioner (by coincidence, an expert on sexual abuse of children).
1. More boys than girls are victims of sexual abuse.
2. Most kids don't tell (out of fear or embarrassment).
3. In the more than 1,500 cases that the commissioner himself had been involved in, not once had a child been proven to by lying!
4. It's impossible to rehabilitate pedophiles because they see children (like my skinny little immature boy!) as appropriate sexual partners. Adults don't turn to them on at all.
Chip was told repeatedly by the commissioner that he was not at fault, he did nothing wrong. (It is always the fault of the adult.) He was taken very seriously from the beginning and he was congratulated and treated as a HERO. There had been not one, but two occasions when Mike had touched him. During the second time, Chip had gathered up his courage and told Mike to stop. Mike did, but strongly threatened Chip and warned him not to tell anyone.
As often happens, it was not a stranger attacking the child, but an adult that he knew and trusted. Because of this, it took longer for Chip to react. Chip waited almost a week, until Mike's next day off, and told another adult. The commissioner explained tome that Chip's bravery had not only saved him but also the other boys, from repeated attacks, and that the attacks would probably have worsened to oral sex and/or rape as the summer progressed. Chip really was a hero.
Mike was convicted of a misdemeanor (if Chip had been ten instead of eleven, it would have been a felons), and spent some time in jail before being escorted to the airport and put on a plane bound for his home in England. The camp encouraged all the kids to tell if Mike had done anything to them and called all the parents so they could talk to their kids about it. No other child or parent has come forward with any further complaint.
I feel very strongly that Chip's training was a huge influence in his decision to put a stop t Mike's attacks and especially to turn him in. I'm sure the outcome would have been very different without BAT or STAR. I had cried in the police station that night, not so much because it had happened, but because chip had handled it so well.
So, what happened to Chip? This year, his grades were better than ever. His self-confidence has soared and he is maturing into a kind and thoughtful young man. And, that's right, he can't wait to get back to that camp this summer!"
(I think it's from http://www.prepareinc.com)
Nadia,thankyou so much for poste din my blog.I am so sorry that you went throught such a horrific experience.I have just been reading your profile and posts,and totally agree with the one saying 'dont rape her'.You totally summed up what rape is.I am feeling very shit at the moment as i told someone i thought i could trust about my rape,and she asked me lots of questions while i was telling her about it,and i felt really uncomfortable,like i had to justify myself.She was not a close friend,but said she coudld 'see into' people deeply.She said she could see abuse around me,and asked if that was true.I said yes,and she asked me about it.I arranged to meet her the next day and we went to a cafe.She seemed really awkard with me,so i felt uncomfortable.She asked me what happened and i told her.But even though i felt really uncomfortable and embarrased,i felt that i had to carry on.I dont know if she meant to make me feel like that,i dont think she did.Then we were talking about our dance teacher,as we both go to the same class.And i told her that we had a complicated relationship (me and the teacher).She asked y,so i said that we ahd a 'bond'.Then eventually admitted that i was attracted to the teacher (a woman).She asked if i was bi,and i said no,im gay.She seemed really surprised,and said 'really?'.I said yes.Then she said 'well im not'.I was really shocked by this and didnt know what to say,so said something like 'thats ok'.Im now thinking the she said it to warn me off her,as maybe she thought that i fanced HER! im also thinking that she has a problem wiht me being gay,and what i told her about the rape.She also asked me if i felt that women were more loving.By this time i felt so awkward i just mumbled,maybe.What upsets me,is that when she said was i bi,and i said,no gay,i felt so embarrased,almost as though i was apologising for it.It then started me thinking that maybe i am bad for being gay etc.Although im coming out of that now a bit.We only normally see each other in class,or at her shop,so maybe she felt uncomfortable out of those environments.I now blame myself for trusting her,and that i made a HUGE error of judgment on her character.It also makes me feel likei wont ever talk to anyone about it again,except my counsellor,who is good.Do u ever feel like when you tell people about what happened,that they dont REALLY want to know? I think ive found this with another friend.They offer for you to tell them about it,then seem to get cold feet when you start.I really needf some advice on how to deal with this woman when i see her in class,althoughi wont see her for a while yet.I really want to know whats going through her mind,although part of me cant deal with the stress on top of eveyrthing else im dealing with at the moment.I also dont think i could cope if she didnt like me for being gay...
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